Thursday, December 20, 2007

It Was One of Us!

So yesterday's Horoscope for Virgos was a bit ominous:

You've got a whodunit on your hands. There are several suspects, but don't jump to conclusions until you do some thorough investigating. The answer isn't so obvious.

Horoscopes are like fortune cookies ~ fun to read but I'm not going to bet my life's savings (such as they are) on my "lucky" numbers.

And, then the phone rings.

Hi, this is Debbie.

No salutation. Never a good start to the conversation.

I need you to cook for Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Day brunch. There will be 8 for dinner and 14 for Brunch. I want beef tenderloin, potatoes, yada, yada, yada. For Christmas Day I want yada, yada, yada.
By now I've gone into a self~induced coma.

Uh, ma'am, do you realize that Christmas Eve is only four days away?

Of course I know that! That's why I'm calling you. Do you think I can do all this by myself?
Am I on Candid Camera or am I being punk'd by one of my friends?

Ryan, is that you?

Uh, ma'am. I'm sorry but I've been booked for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day since August. Unfortunately, there's no way I can squeeze you in.

Is there another Personal Chef who can do it?
Yeah, in addition to keeping all of their calendars, I can guarantee that they would love to spend 8~10 hours planning, shopping and cooking as well as losing money as the cost of goods for the Christmas Eve dinner will probably be close to the total amount you're willing to pay.

Well, you can call the other Personal Chefs in town, but I have to tell you that this close to Christmas I have to believe they're all booked.

The whodunit it obvious and I'm not dooin it.

I looked around the kitchen. Nobody behind the kitchen island with a hidden camera. Nobody in another room laughing as they hang up their cell phone.

Are you sure I'm not being punk'd?

Russ, is that you?

Nope. Unfortunately the answer was obvious.

It was one of us.

An overworked, stressed~out person in charge of the family holiday, gifts and food who works more than full time, has no personal time and is expected to pull miracles out of the skillet for Christmas.

Good luck, my dear. When you reach my age, you realize you can't do it all.

But with the grace of Bacchus, you won't care!

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