Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Personal Chef Asks: Waiter Is That A Fly in My Soup?

A Blog A Day For A Month: Day 30. Only 1 more day to go.

By now, everyone has learned the identity of the infamous mystery author of the frightening and disgusting blog Waiter Rant, Steve Dublanica.  A New York Post article discloses his identity as well as revealing a couple of the "lessons" he's subjected his past customers to.

And, surprise of surprises, he's written a book about his experiences as a waiter!

Have you ever read the blog? It's full of the "lessons" waiters teach customers who send food back, are rude, don't look like they'll tip well or whatever.

Of course, it's never the waiter's fault when I had to ask three times over the course of 20 minutes for the same glass of wine that was never delivered but charged on my bill three times.

And, of course, it's never the waiter's fault when I order a medium~rare steak with asparagus risotto and I'm served a chicken with fried potatoes. And, yes, the waiter did deliver the food.

Or, I love this one. It's never the waiter's fault that I had the huge misfortune to walk into that restaurant on that night when the waiter is in a foul mood, has cigarette breath, dirty fingernails, is wearing half a bottle of the cheapest drugstore cologne/perfume and I ask for a different table outside of their service area.

I know the work is hard. And the customers can be rude. And you don't make a lot of money. And you occasionally get stiffed on your tip.

But. DO NOT take it out on me before I even sit down and you've already determined that I'm a lousy tipper because as Waiter Dublancia boasts "It's gotten to the point where I can tell how much money I'm going to make off a customer within 10 seconds of meeting them." Even though he then claims, one paragraph later, "I try not to fall into that (profiling diners based on age, sex and race) trap."


Perhaps the reason you didn't get the tip you "expect" could be because you've treated me like crap, have served me the wrong dinner, have admitted to leaving your personal body fluids all over a customer's food or any multitude of other lovely disease~ridden pranks that you've pulled over the years.

And my friends wonder why I don't like to go out to dinner!

But if I do go out to dinner and receive impeccable, attentive service from a waiter that is knowledgeable about the menu and preparation techniques and has some semblance of personality, then you'll be extremely happy with the tip you earned.

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